Chapter 26

That’s all I’m gong to say. I could have told you what happened afterwards, but I don't want to tell you my life story or anything.

Lots of people keep asking me about school. I’m supposed to be going back ext fall. When I get out of here.

I saw D.B. last weekend, he was asking me what I thought about everything I just told you. But the truth is, I don’t know what I think about. I shouldn’t have told so many people about it. Strangely, I sort of miss all the people I told you about. I don’t know why. I really don’t. Don’t ever tell anybody anything. If you do, you start missing everybody.

Chapter 25

It was just getting light out. I sweating buckets, but it was cold so it felt good.

I didn’t really know what to do. I had a headache and I felt more depressed than ever before.

I couldn’t stop myself from thinking about what just happened. I thought about what he would say to Mrs Antolini when she saw that I was gone. I knew he would make something up though. He’s smart like that. I wondered if I was wrong in thinking he was making a pass at me.

I walked up to Fifth Avenue, but every time I stepped off the curb I ha a feeling I would never make it to the other side.

I saw Phoebe through this glass door, wearing my hunting hat. She had this suitcase with her. She wanted to run away with me. I tried to make her go back to school but she wouldn’t go. She ignored me after I kept telling her no. She wouldn’t even walk with me. Eventually she started to follow me and we ended up at this carousel. She went and hopped on it, so I just sat on the bench and watched her go round and round.

Chapter 24

They had this really posh apartment over on Sutton Place, Mr and Mrs Anotlini. I used to play tennis with Mr Antolini all the time.

I rang the bell. Mr Antolini answered after the elevator boy finally let me up. Mr Antolini was a pretty heavy drinker. He had a highball in his hand. He was a very sophisticated guy.

I went in and sat down and Mr Antolini offered me a cigarette. We started talking about school and all. He got on my nerves a bit. He kept saying ‘So you and Pencey are no longer one’. It sort of annoys you when people keep saying things like. D.B. does it sometimes.

I followed him to the closet to get some blankets and stuff. He couldn’t reach with that goddam highball in his hand. I helped him take the stuff over to the couch. I got changed in the bathroom. He turned off the light and I fell asleep.

Then something happened. I don’t even like talking about it.

I woke up. I don’t know what time it was but I woke up. I felt something on my head. It scared the hell out of me. I must have jumped about a hundred feet. It was Mr Anotlini sat there, in the dark, petting me on the head. Boy I was nervous. I got my stuff and left. In a hurry.

Chapter 23

I had to be very quick on the phone because I didn’t want my parents to walk in on me. Mr Antolini was very nice. He was about the best teacher I ever had.

When I got back to D.B’s room, Phoebe turned on the radio and we danced for a little while. We danced for about four numbers.

“The front door!” I quickly ran and turned off the desk light. Then I grabbed my shoes and hid in the closet.

My mum thought Phoebe had been smoking. But she just said she lit one and put it out. Good old Phoeb. When my mum finally left, I said my goodbyes and started to vcry when she borrowed me her Christmas money. I don’t know why, but I couldn’t stop.

I walked all the way downstairs and nearly broke my goddam neck on garbage pails. I had to be quick, Mr Antolini was waiting for me.

Chapter 22

“You don’t like anything that’s happening.” She said
She depressed me even more when she said that. I told her that I did so she made me think of something. But the thing was, I couldn’t concentrate. The only thing I could think about was the two nuns collecting dough. This boy I knew at Elkton James Castle. These guys started in on him. I won’t tell you what they did to him. But he ended up jumping out of the window. I thought it was something just falling out of the window.

Chapter 21

I decided I would go back home just to say hello to Phoebe and then beat it before anybody else sees me.

After about an hour I finally got to Phoebes room. But she wasn’t there. She always sleeps in D.B’s room when he’s not there. It was quiet as hell when I went in his room. So I just sat on his desk and read through Phoebe’s notebook.

I woke her up. She was so excited to see me. I had to keep telling her to be quiet. I asked her how school was and just talked for a while. She kept telling me that my parents were going to kill me for getting kicked out of school. So I went to the living room to get some cigarettes.

Chapter 20

I just sat there getting drunk waiting for these two French babes that worked there when I used to go to come out and do their stuff but they never came out.

I must have sat in that goddam bar till one ‘o’ clock getting drunk as a bastard. I felt like giving old Jane a buzz, so I paid my bill and left.

When I got to the phone booth I didn’t really feel like giving old Jane a buzz, so I called Sally instead. But her grandma answered and said she was asleep. When Sally finally came to the phone, I was talking like a madman. I always do that when I’m really drunk.

Chapter 19

I used to go the Wicker Bar quite a lot, but I don’t anymore. I cut it out. Gradually. I got there pretty early so I just sat down at the bar. It was pretty crowded. It was mostly full with phoneys, so mi just sat and watched them for a while.

Old Luce was supposed to be my student advisor at Whooton, but all he did was, give these sex talks and all. I asked him these wuestions about this girl he said he was seeing, but he got really sore about it. The thing is, he used to make you describe really personal stuff, but if you ask him he gets really sore about it.

Chapter 18

I was sort of hungry after I left the skating rink so I went to this drugstore and had a cheese sandwich and malted. I was gonna give old Jane a buzz, see if she wanted to go dancing or something. I rang her but she didn’t answer her phone, so I had to hang up.

So what I did was I gave old Carl Luce a buzz, to see if he wanted to go for a drink. He was about three years older than me, he graduated from Whooton after I left.

After I’d seen the movie, I walked down to the place where I was supposed to meet old Carl Luce. The war movie made me think about the war. War movies always do that to me. So that’s what I was thinking about on my way to meet Carl Luce, the war.

Chapter 17

I got there a little early so I just sat down on one of those leather couches right near the clock in the lobby and just watched the girls. There were millions. Some standing, some sitting, just waiting for their dates to show up.

Finally, old Sally started coming up the stairs, and I walked down to meet her. She looked remarkable. She really did. I’m crazy. I didn’t really like her that much, but as soon as I saw her, I wanted to marry her.

I knew she would go made when I told her we were going to see the Lunts.

At first she didn’t want because of her lipstick, but we horsed around in the cab a little bit on the way to the theatre.

We went out with all the other honeys after the first act for a cigarette. She noticed one of the guys and when he finally noticed her he came over and said hello. It was nauseating. It really was. You would’ve thought they’d taken baths together when they were babies or something.

Then I really messed things up. We were having a drink and I had this crazy idea. I started gong on about running away and getting married. I get really carried away with myself sometimes.

Chapter 16

I finished my breakfast around twelve, but I wasn’t meeting Sally until two. So I decided I would take this really long walk. But all I could think about were the two nuns. The old beat up straw basket that they collected their money in.

I walked over to Broadway. I wanted to go to this record store to find Phoebe’s favourite record. ‘Little Shirley Beans.’ It was very hard to get. It was about this kid that wouldn’t go out of the hue because she didn’t have her two front teeth.

I saw this family walking infront of me. A father, mother and a little kid. The father and his wife were just talking, not paying any attention to the kid. The kid was swell. Instead of waking on the sidewalk he walked right next to the curb. He kept singing. ‘If a body catch a body coming through the rye.’ It made me feel a little bit better. I wasn’t so depressed.

Chapter 15

It was around ten ‘o’ clock when I woke up. I didn’t sleep that long. I had a cigarette and felt pretty hungry. I thought of giving old Jane a buzz, again, but I wasn’t in the mood.

What I did do though, I gave old Sally Hayes a buzz instead and asked her if she wasn’t busy. She wasn’t. Anyway, we chewed the fat for a while. Correction, she chewed the fat. Boy, she could talk for days if she wanted to.

After I made the date with old Sally I got up, got dressed and got a cab to Grand Central Station, close to where I was meeting Sally later.

I started talking to these two nuns. They got up and left after a while, and I kind of felt sorry tat I’d only given them ten bucks for their collection, but I needed some dough for when I met Sally anyway. Goddam money. It always end up making you blue as hell.

Chapter 14

After she left, I just smoked a couple of cigarettes. It was getting light outside. You can’t imagine how depressed I was feeling. Sometimes, when I get depressed I think about Allie. Years ago, I told him to get his bike and meet me infront of this guy Bobby Fallon’s house. Once he heard me and Bobby talking about going to shoot some BB guns and he wanted to come. It wasn’t like I didn’t use to take him anywhere because I did. But that one day, I didn’t. That’s what I think about when I’m depressed.

The next thing I know the elevator guy, Maurice and Sunny (The prostitute) burst through the door. Asking me to cough up the money I owed to Sunny. But when I wouldn’t hand it over, he smacked me.

Chapter 13

I walked all the way back to the hotel. Forty-one magnificent blocks. I wished I knew the phoney that swiped my gloves. I’m not saying I would have done anything about it or anything because I wouldn’t have. I’m one of these very yellow guys. I’d feel I ought to sock the guy in the jaw - break it or something. Only, I wouldn’t have the guts to do it, but I’d make an attempt to look tough. Yeah, so that’s what I thought about on my way back to the hotel. Boy, it depressed me. I felt sort of lousy and depressed. I almost wished I was dead.

The elevator guy asked me if I was innarested in having a good time. Boy, I got myself into a mess. I should have just said no. We didn't even do anything.

Sonnet

His shiny red hair, glowing in the sun
In my mind are memories full of fun
Covered in green writing, his baseball mitt
It makes me smile when I think of his whit

Little Shirley beans her favourite song
I could sit and talk with Phoebe all night long

My hands and mind both frozen with fear
What I want and can’t have, is a pint of beer

I miss phoebe loads I really do
And my little brother Allie, of course I miss him too

She keeps her kings in the back row
I wonder if Jane knows where the ducks go?

Kicked out of Pencey Prep I have nowhere left to go
I still have just one question, where do the ducks go?

Chapter 12

The cab smelled horrific. It really did. It smelt like someone had left dirty nappies on the back seat. The streets were pretty much empty. I mean every now and again I saw a couple crossing the road or a group of phoney guys with their dates.

I sort of just started talking randomly to the driver. Horwitz was his name. “Hey, Horwitz. Do you know where they ducks go in winter?”
“Where who goes where?”
“The ducks. You know from the little lagoon in central park?”
“Erm.“
“Take that as a no then.”
“The fish don’t go anywhere.”
“I’m not talking about the fish.” We dropped the whole thing about fish after a while. It was getting pretty annoying. It really was. I asked him if he wanted to come for a drink with me. But he didn’t want to.

After I waited around for like five hours I finally got a table. The next thing I know I had this girl in my face.
“Holden Caulfield!”
Her name was Lillian Simmons, she knew my brother. She asked me how he was and everything. She seemed pretty nice. She asked me if wanted to sit with her, but I told her I was leaving. I had to leave after that. I didn’t have a choice. So that’s what I did. Left. People are always ruining things for you.

Chapter 11

I got her on the brain again. Old Jane Gallagher. For some reason, I couldn’t get her off. I got to know her quite intimately. I don’t mean in a physical way or anything.

I remember how I met her. This goddam dog she had always used to relieve itself on our lawn. A few days later, I saw her lying by the pool so I went and said hello to her. After that, we got to be good friends and we saw each other all the time.

We were sat in her porch once, and this guy with a really lousy personality came out and started asking Jane if she knew where his cigarettes were. She didn’t answer. He asked her again. Still no answer. We he finally went inside, I asked her what the hell was going on. All of a sudden, a tear plopped down on the board, she just ignored me and wiped it away with her finger. Before I knew it, I was kissing her all over, her neck, ears, nose, head everywhere except for her mouth.

Chapter 10

You never saw a kid prettier than her. Phoebe I mean. She’s so smart, she’s got sort of red hair and in the summer time she puts it behind her ears. She got really pretty ears. I really wanted to shoot the crap with Phoebe. The best bit is, if you tell her something she knows exactly what you mean. You can take her anywhere. She’s great. You’d like her if you met her.

I went in the Lavender room. I met these girls. There were three of them. I danced all of them. Bernice. Boy, was she dopey, but she was a terrific dancer. I told her she oughta be a pro. The two ugly ones were Marty and Laverne. Laverne wasn’t too bad, but let’s just say I would have rather been dead than have had to dance with Marty. She was terrible. Really terrible.

Chapter 9

I wanted to buzz someone from this phone booth I was stood in outside the station, but I couldn’t think of anyone to buzz. I wanted to talk to Phoebe but if I rang home my mum or dad would have most likely answered, it was a bit too late to call Jane. I thought of calling Sally Hayes, this girl I used to hang around with but my mum and her mum are friends, and if she answered the phone and found out I was in New York, I could see her breaking every bone in her body just to get to the goddam phone and tell my mum.

I wanted to go back downtown so I caught a cab. “Hey, you know central park? In the winter, when the little lake freezes over? Do you happen to know where the ducks go?”
“No idea.”
He didn’t really talk much afterwards, I don’t think he was interested.

After I checked in at the hotel, I just looked out of the window. You’d be surprised how many people don’t pull their shades down. You really would. I saw this weird looking guy walking up and down his room wearing women’s clothes, corsets, heeled shoes and everything! Then right over form his window there were people just in hysterics. I’m not kidding when I say, that hotel was full of perverts!

Chapter 8

I met this lady that had just got on the train. I spose it was better than reading one of those phoney magazines. I could usually read one when I’m on the train. When she noticed my Pencey Prep sticker she asked me if I knew her son, Ernest. I knew him because he went to my school. I didn’t want to tell her my real name or anything so I told her my name was Rudolf Schmidt. She was a pretty nice lady, good looking and all. Especially when she was smoking. She didn’t wolf the smoke down she just inhaled it, nicely. Then she asked me about Ernest. I didn’t want to tell her the truth, just incase it upset her. I mean Ernest was a shy and modest guy. Like we wanted him to be class president but he wouldn’t even let us nominate him. I asked her if she wanted to come for a drink with me but she didn’t.

They always gave you a big meal on a Saturday. Steak. I think it was because a lot of the guy’s parent came up to the school on a Sunday and there mothers would always ask them, ‘Sweetheart, what did you have for your dinner last night?’ and they would always reply ‘ Steak.’ Just to make Pencey sound a little bit better than it really was.

It was good when we finally got out of the dining hall. It was coming down like a madman and there were already about three inches of it. The snow I mean.

Me and this guy decided to go see a lousy film cause neither of us had dates and we didn’t want to sit around all night. I asked Ackley if he wanted to come, but all he was interested in was who else was goin. Besides me. That’s all he ever wanted to know, who else was going.

Anyway, we were waiting for about five hours for Ackley to get ready. That gives me a royal pain in the ass too. Guys that take about five hundred hours to get ready. I mean, it’s not like he has to brush his teeth or anything.

While i was waiting, I decided to pack a snowball. I was gonna throw it a car parked accross the street but it looked so nice and white so I changed my mind.

Goddam movies. I hate movies. Especially when you have to sit next to Brossard and Ackley, laughing there socks off at stuff that’s not even remotely funny.

After he left, I put on my bathrobe and started to write Stradlater his stupid composition. I couldn’t think of anything to write about. Not even a beach or a house or a room. Nothing. So I decided to write about Allie’s baseball mitt. The thing that was descriptive about it was that it had poems written all over the fingers. He wrote them so he had something to read while he was waiting to bat.

Allies one of the most nicest people you would have ever met in your life. He never got mad a t anybody and he was really intelligent. The night he died, I slept in the garage and ended up braking all the goddam windows.

Yeah, so that’s what I wrote about. Allie’s baseball mitt. I miss him sometimes. I really do.

I went down to the can. I chewed the fat with him while he was shaving. Everyone was still at the game so we were the only ones there. He kept whistling. Boy he had an annoying whistle. It was one of those piercing ones that are never ever in tune. He always ruins songs.

Stradlater’s a slob. Kinda like Ackley. But Stradlater was more of a secret slob. He always looked okay, but you should’ve seen the rusty razor he was using. It was full of lather and hair and crap. Boy it was disgusting. He looks alright when he cleans himself up, but he’s still a slob. A secret one. The only reason he fixed himself up, was because he was obsessed with himself.

Anyway, I just sat on the washbowl next to him.“Hey” he said. “Fancy doing me a big favour?” He always asked you to do him a big favour.
“You see, I’ve got a hundred pages to read for history by Monday. And I’ll be up the creek if I don’t get it done.”
“What do you want me to do about it.?”
“How bout writing a composition for English for me?”
I was quite ironic. “I’m flunking out of the goddam place and your asking me to write you a goddam composition!”
He asked me again but I didn’t answer him straight away. He called me his ‘Buddyroo’. But I knew he was only sayin that just to get me to write him a composition.
“What on?”
“Anything descriptive. But don’t go sticking commas in all the right places. I don’t want it to look too good.”
Boy, that gives me a royal pain in the ass. I mean he asks me to do him a favour and then tells me how to do it!

I decided to dance a little bit. You know, imitating one of those dancing guys from the films. It probably looked ridiculous as hell but I didn’t really care. I hated movies with a passion, but I got a kick out of imitating them. I stopped when I got out of breath. “So who’s your date then? Fitzgerald?”
“Hell no! I told you I’m through with her.”
“Who then?”
“I forgot to tell you. She knows you. My date.”
“Really? What’s her name?”
“Hold on. I’m thinking…….. Jean Gallagher I think her name is.”
My heart stopped for a second.
“Jane Gallagher?”
“Yeah that’s it. You know her?”
I jumped up from the washbowl. I damn nearly died I was that excited. “Hell yeah I know her. She lived practically next to me the summer before last. She had this goddam dog that kept coming in our garden that’s how I -.”
“Holden! For chrissake. Get out of my goddam light.”
That was it. Once I started talking about jane, I couldn’t stop. I think it kinda got on Stradlater’s nerves. I didn’t care. I was way to excited.
“Willya do me a favour and ask her if she still keeps her kings in the back row?”
“Ask her what?”
“I used to play checkers with her all the –.”
“Checkers! For chrissake Holden.”
“Oh and don’t tell her I got kicked out willya?”
“Why would I tell her that?”
“I dunno I just-.”
“Where the hell are my cigarettes?”
“Over on the desk.”

Entry 3

The first football game of the year, he drove up to school in this goddam Cadillac and we had to give him a goddam cheer. Then in the chapel the next morning he tried to show us he was a regular guy and all, by doing this goddam speech that lasted about fifteen hours. It really did. He made like fifty of the most stupidest and most corniest jokes you ever heard in your entire life. He just started waffling on about Jesus like there was no tomorrow. Ha! It killed me when he said he talked to Jesus all the time, even in his stupid car.The only good part of his pointless speech was when this guy in the front row, Edgar Marsalla laid one hell of a fart. Hardly anybody laughed. Though it was quite amusing. But I spose it was a bit crude aswell, with it being in a chapel and all. Anyway, that’s where I stayed. The Ossenburger memorial wing, in the new dorms.

Everyone was down at ‘The big game’. I put this hat on that I’d bought in New York that morning after I realized I left my goddam stuff on the subway. I sat down and started to read my book. "Out of Africa" by Isak Dinesen. It was quite a good book. But to tell you the truth I thought it would be boring as hell. I like to read. My favourite authors are my brother, D.B and Ring Lardner.

Robert Ackley. He always barged in on me just when I started to do something. Boy he gets on my nerves. The worst bit is, the only thing separating out rooms is a shower curtain.

Anyway, Ackley. He’s one of the really tall guys. With round shoulders, and has the most horrifying teeth ever. He really has. Nobody ever saw him brushing his teeth and if you ever saw him with a face full of food you were nearly sick. Oh yeah, he’s got the worst skin you’ve ever seen aswell. I mean hes not just got pimples on his chin or on his nose. He’s got em all over his face. Its pretty disgusting.

He started talking to me, but I wasn’t too interested. When he realized I was ignoring him, he started walking round my room and picking up my personal stuff. He always did that.
“How was the fencing? We win?” I knew he wasn’t interested he just wanted me to stop reading my book.
“ Nobody won." I still didn’t look up from my book. I’m not giving him what he wants. He kept asking me questions that had nothing to do with him and stuff that probably bored him to death. Goddam phoney.

Afterwards, he started to clean his goddam fingernails with the end of a match. If you ever saw Ackley’s teeth and ears, you would think he didn’t clean at all. I guess he thought it made him a neat guy and all. Cleaning his nails. But it really didn’t.

He made me give him my scissors so he could cut his goddam disgusting fingernails.
“Cut em over the table willya?” He ignored me and carried on cutting them all over the goddam place. I asked him over and over again but he still didn’t listen. He just kept changing the subject to Stradkater and how much he hate him.
“Ackley! For chrissake! Cut em over the goddam table. Please.” And for once he did it. I only think he listens if you shout at him.

I sat there. Just watching him for a while. “The only reason you hate Ackley so much is because he said that stuff to you about not brushing your teeth.”
“Don’t gimme that. I brush my teeth.”
“Don’t give me that. I’ve seen you loads of times and I’ve never seen you brush em.”

Stradlater barged in. In a hurry, as usual. He only came back to borrow my jacket. I didn’t want stretching the goddam printer or anything, but I let him wear it anyway.
“Where’s your date?”
“Waiting at the Annex.”
He walked out the room with a toilet kit and a towel under his arm. No shirt or anything. He never wore a shirt cause he thought he had a damn good build. And I’ll admit. He did.

Old Spencer's House

They were about seventy. Spencer and his wife. They got a kick out of some things, in a sort of half-assed way. He was hunched all over, and his posture was pleasantly awful. Whenever he was writing something I class and he dropped the chalk on the floor, some poor guy in the first row had to get up and hand it to him. He showed us this old worn out Navajo blanket that he and Mrs. Spencer had bought off some Indian in Yellowstone Park once. That’s what I meant about half-assed. Getting a kick out of things, you take an old guy like Spencer, and they can get a big kick out of buying an old, tatty blanket.

The door was open, but I knocked on it anyway, being polite and all. I could see him. Sitting there. In this big leather chair wrapped up in that goddam blanket I was just on about. He looked at me after I knocked and yelled “Caulfield? Come in boy.” He always yelled. It kinda got on your nerves.

As soon I walked in the room I sort of wished I never did. The whole goddam room smelt like Vicks Nose Drops. The thing that made it depressing was he was wearing this disgusting bathrobe that he was probably born in or something. I’m not too crazy about that. Seeing old sick guys in their pajamas. Their wrinkly chests are always on show.

“Have a seat boy.” He meant on the bed. So I did. Obviously.
“How’s the grippe sir?”
He made the worst joke ever. I regret even asking him. “M’boy, if I felt any better, I would have to send for the doctor!” That was it. He started chuckling like a madman. When he finally straightened himself out, he asked why I wasn’t down at the big game like everybody else in the goddam school.
“So you’re leaving us eh?”
“Yes sir, I spose I am.”
He started doing this nodding thing. You never saw anybody that nodded as much as Spencer did. The worst bit was, you couldn’t work out, whether he was nodding because he was thinking or just a nice old guy that didn’t know his ass from his elbow.

He talked about Life being a game and all. And how you should play by the rules. He didn’t shout or anything. He was pretty nice about it. He just kept going on about life being a game and all.

“Have you told your parents?”
“Not yet sir. I’ll probably tell them when I see them on Wednesday.”
“How do you think they’ll react?” Well they won’t be too happy about it. I mean this is the fourth school I’ve gone to now. It’s partly because my vocabulary’s pretty lousy and I’m seventeen, but most of the time I act like I should be at pre-school or something.

He started the nodding thing again. He also started to pick his nose. He tried to make it look like he was just pinching it but I knew he wasn’t. I spose he thought he had the right because it was just me in the room. Then he said, “I had the gratification of meeting your parent when Dr Thurmer had a little chat with them some weeks back. They’re grand people.”
“Yes they are.”
I hate the word grand. That’s the word I really hate. It’s so phoney. I could puke every time I hear it. Grand.

He started going on about my history paper and how he flunked me because I knew nothing. I had to sit there and listen to him read out my essay. He asked me if I wanted to hear it and I said “No.” But he went ahead and read it anyway. By the time he had finished I really started to hate him. And said in a very sarcastic voice “And your essay, if that’s what you want to call it, stops there. However, i see you left me a little note at the bottom of the page.”
“Yes I know I did.” I tried to say it quickly to stop him from reading it out loud, but it didn’t work.

He read, “Dear Mr Spencer that is all I know about the Egyptians. I cannot seem to get interested in them. Unlike your lectures. Which are of course, very interesting. I don’t mind if flunk me as I am failing in every other subject except from English. Respectfully yours. HOLDEN CAULFIELD."

When he looked at me you could see he was feeling pretty lousy for flunking me. So I told him I was a moron and stuff like that. We talked about Elkton Hills, and he asked me if I had and any qualms about leaving Pency. I said I had a few. But not too many. I guess it hadn’t really hit me. That I was leaving Pency. For good.

I decided to go shortly after and just as I was leaving Mrs Spencer kindly asked me if I wanted a cup of hot chocolate before I left, but I told her I had to get going. “I’ll drop you a line sir. Take care of your grippe.”
“Good-by M’boy.”

I'm stuck here. In this goddamn institute. I've got T.B. I go to this school call Pency Prep but they've kicked me out. I only passed in English. I'm not going into it. I'll just tell you about the stuff that happened to me when things got really bad and I had to come out here to cool off. That's all he told me. D.B i mean. He's my brother. He works in Hollywood writing short stories. He wrote an amazing one called The Secret Goldfish. Just incase you've never heard of him.

I'll start on the day I left Pency Prep. The big game. It was a big deal at Pency, the game against Saxon Hall. You were sposed to kill yourself or something if Pency didn't win. I remember standing way up on the hill, next to this goddamn cannon from the Revolutionary War and all. All you could see was the pitch and two teams bashing the hell out of each other. You couldn't really see the grandstand but you could hear them yelling, practicallly the whole school was there. Except for me.

The only reason I was up there was because I'd just got back from New York. I was coaching my goddamn fencing team. Very big deal. We were in New York that morning for this meet with McBurney School. Only, we didnt have the meet. I ended up leaving all the foils and equipment and stuff on the goddam subway, it's not my fault I had to keep getting up to look at the goddam map so we wouldn't get off at the wrong place. Plus, I was on my way to see my history teacher, old Spencer, thats another reason why I wasnt at the game. I figured seeing as he had the grippe, I probably wouldn't see him again till christmas vacation.

Anyway, it was december and all and it was as cold as ice, especially up on the goddam hill. I had no gloves or anything, just my reversible. the week before, somebody'd stolen my camel hair jacket and my fur-lined gloves were in the goddam pocket. Old Pency was full of crooks. And goddam phoneys. Quite a few of 'em came from rich families but they were still crooks and phoneys. Anyway, there i was on the hill, freezing my goddam ass off. Only, I wasn't really watching the game. I was trying to feel some kind of good-by. I mean, I've left places and schools before, but without knowing im actually leaving it. I hate it. When im leaving a place i like to know im leaving it. But all of a sudden i remmembered something that helped me know i getting the hell out of this place.

I turned round and started running to old spencer's house. I ran all the way to the main gate. I had to wait a second. Catch my breath. I'm a heavy smoker you see. I carried on though. It was so goddam icy i nearly gell and broke my goddam neck and all. I don't even know why i was running. I just felt like it.

When i finally got there, i rang the doorbell. Boy was i frozen. My face was hurting and i could hardly move at all. I shouted right out loud Untill finally, Mrs Spencer opened the door. They didn't have too much dough, so they didn't have a maid or anthing. So they always opened the door themselves. "Holden dear!" Mrs Spencer said. "How delightful to see you! Come on in! Are you frozen to death?" I guessed she was glad to see me. At least, it seemed that way.

Boy, did i move quick. I needed to get out of the cold, before i froze my ass off. "How have you been Mrs Spencer?, hows Mr Spencer?"
"Give me your coat dear". I don't think she heard me asking her how she or Mr Spencer was. She's sort of deaf.
She hung up my coat and brushed my hair back with her hand. I have a crew cut most of the time so i never have to comb it often. I asked her again. "How have you been Mrs Spencer?," i said ot louder this time, just incase she didn't hear me.
"I've been fine Holden. How have you been?" I knew from the way she asked me, old Spencer'd told her they kicked me out.
"And hows Mr Spencer, has he still got the grippe?"
"He's in his room dear, go right in."